February 27, 2008

Post Cards, Idan Reichel Project, etc.

Well, a ton of post cards have been mailed (if you want post cards from my travels, email matan@nomadmatan.net with your name, address - your full address, including country - and I’ll send them to you as I go) and now I’m just about to sit down and do homework. For those of you who missed it (facebook feed has been weird recently), I posted my new Travelogue a couple of days ago.

Tomorrow is the Idan Reichel Project concert in Jerusalem, which I’m excited to go to. I love Idan Reichel’s music, I love concerts, I love Israel and I love Jerusalem…which means that we’re all in for a kicking night. This does however mean that we’ll be getting back to the Kibbutz at around 2am and have to be attentive in class at 7am…but it’s worth it.

Later this week I need to get a few folders out and ready to start applying to my next few programs here which (hopefully) will be able to happen before I join the IDF. I also need to make a few phone calls to the states which means I’ll have to pick up a phone card soon.

This week has been a mix of good and bad, which I’ll get into in my next post…but it definitely has way more good than bad, so it’s been a positive experience overall, and I’m looking forward to the study session this weekend where we’ll all get each other caught up with what we feel is the material that we’ve fallen behind with in class…then the key will be to get ahead enough to over prepare for next week, so we’ll have some leeway.

Anyways, homework (which will hopefully be done in half an hour) and then bed. I have class at 0715 and then I have work at the Refet (the cow shed) milking 294 cows from 1130-1530, we leave for the concert at 1800 and we’ll be back at the Kibbutz by 0200…I’m so excited…and I’ve missed my cows.

I learned how to play “Horse with no name” on Guitar today…not that it’s all that impressive, since it’s two whole chords…but it’s progress!

G’night all.

- M

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February 24, 2008

[Travelogue] Israel Travelogue IX (”The Kibbutz, The Refet, and more.”)

On January 28th, a cold, wet, windy day in Zichron Yaakov I woke up to an apartment complex that was rapidly turning into a water park…which I suppose is part of the inherent risk one takes when attempting to use Escher as a source of inspiration for building design.

Floating my luggage down the stairs I called a taxi and made my way to the Kibbutz and checked in with the director of the program (Mike Flax) and was given my bed sheets, my room key and a warm (and dry) welcome. Making my way to my room to unpack my things (and dry off) I had the luxury of being first in the room, having the lions share of real estate I quickly staked my claims.

My roommates would move in later that day, one Ulpanist from Oregon, the other from the Philippines.

The Kibbutz is sprawling, decorated with gardens, fish ponds, sculptures and hidden treasures that hide themselves along the winding trails that spread out like the lines along the palm of your hand. Built up along a hill on the Kibbutz are numerous art studios and libraries, and the dining hall where Kibbutznicks and Ulpanists alike share at least one meal a day together…the food surprisingly healthy, a haven for Vegetarians and Vegans alike with Carnivores and Omnivores still able to find a fare suitable to their tastes as well.

This hill is the main hub of activity. From here you can never be lost (once on top, you can only go down…and if you’re walking ‘up’ anywhere on the Kibbutz you’re heading towards the hill). Depending on what direction you choose, you can make your way down past horses, and animals, and a major sports complex to three private islands that one can swim to from their beach on the Mediterranean, or should you choose to walk in the other direction you make your way towards the pub (open on Thursday and Friday nights), areas of work, class and housing for those of us in the Ulpan.

Dogs walk around here freely, joining us in the dining room, following us to our rooms, and playing with us at work: all of them incredibly well balanced in this Israeli paradise, one even carries it’s own leash in her mouth and walks herself…the others walk around without leashes. While a known fact that all dogs go to heaven, I fear for these dogs…because when they get there, I have a feeling that after Kibbutz Maagan Michael they will be sorely disappointed in their new surroundings and will ask to go back.

One does need to be careful where they sit though, cats are also found here in large numbers and they take great pleasure in jumping up on your shoulder and giving your hair a proper bath…whether you want another shower or not (they’re incredibly persistent).

This Ulpan has twenty countries being represented from all corners of the globe. Each individual on the Ulpan bringing their own perspective, their own background, their own link to Judaism (or lack thereof) and the Jewish people as well as their own baggage as a hundred people who may have never found cause to cross paths in life suddenly find themselves friends (or at the very least, forced acquaintances).

We are strangers in a strange land, getting used to a new system and a new way of life that is not only completely different than anything we have ever known but that is also completely different from how Israel operates outside of the realm of Kibbutz life. A wise professor of mine, my Arabic professor, used to say “Culture Shock is fine…you just can’t allow yourself to get electrocuted…” his words ringing in my ear as I try to do my best to fit into this new society that I - as a guest - find myself trying hard to understand.

Our first week here was spent taking placement exams (oral, written, reading comprehension and multiple choice). These exams would serve to determine our placement in either Kita (Class) Alef, Bet, Gimmel or Dalet (Alef being the first letter of the Hebrew Alphabet, and so on).  We also signed up for work, giving our top three choices of employment while on the Ulpan with the Kibbutz having the final say about our job placement (we work four hours a day, and study for four hours a day, allowing us to ‘earn our keep’ as well as interact with the Kibbutznicks). I received my top choice for which I’m incredibly thankful.

Cowboys in the Holy Land

I work in the Refet. The Refet is the Cow Shed. Now to answer the question that immediately follows when I tell people I work with cows “No…really, what do you do?”…really, I’m a cowboy. I work with cows. 294 of them to be exact, and around forty to sixty baby cows (possibly the cutest baby animals to ever grace the earth).

Fortunately for me - as a Linguist - I work with Polylingual cows (they speak Hebrew, Arabic and English) so when I’m getting them to walk to the showers I go “Yalla, Yalla, Kadima, Aye!!!” (Arabic for ‘come on’, Hebrew for ‘forward’ and English for ‘come on’) and sometimes the cows look back and go “Moo” which as a Linguist I know can mean many things depending on how they say it, such as “sod off, I’m groggy…it’s 4am and you want to do what, where?” or “Hey!!!! It’s a HUMAN…oh my, I really wasn’t expecting company…I’m sorry, I’ll need a few minutes to get ready” So, really, their own language (that of Cow) is tone oriented, rather than stress oriented and I have to say I’m developing a remarkable fluency.

Much like the Ulpan which has Kita Alef, Bet, Gimmel and Dalet our cows are equally housed in Alef, Bet, Gimmel and Dalet (perhaps the Kibbbutz’s way of entertaining themselves and anyone else who cares to pay attention). Bringing each group to the washing zone from their home, we hit a button and they get their morning, afternoon or evening shower…and then they walk up and one by one get onto a carousel, where we hook them up to a milker. The carousel rotates clockwise to the exit. By the time the cows reach the end of the carousel they’re usually done being milked and the milking device drops off automatically…sometimes they stay on for another ride, chatting with the cow next to them and catching up about whatever it is cows talk about these days.

We are in a constant process of bringing cows from their homes, and back to their homes until the last Dalet cow goes home until the next shift.

Having a gate system and cows that are sorted by house, there are some games that you don’t want to play, Sort-A-Cow and Cow Soccer are the top two among them. For those of you not familiar, Sort-A-Cow normally occurs when one doesn’t work the gate system right and lets each group of cows mingle together…then two hundred or so cows have to be convinced (normally at the morning hour of 4am) to - in an orderly fashion - return to their homes…however, being cows they don’t quite see the importance of the sorting system and don’t exactly have the memory to know that the pasture they find themselves in, isn’t their own (since, to them, it looks identical). Sort-A-Cow is to be avoided at all costs.

Cow Soccer usually occurs when cows need to be moved from one pasture to another. Cow soccer is played with two teams, the Cows (comrpising about 150 of them) and the Refet workers (Two of us). One cow is nominated by the Refet workers to be the self moving soccer ball…the goal of the game is to let only one cow out of the pen…and have it be that cow be the cow that you want to move. The Cows’ goal is to have as many of them get out as possible (possibly leading to an impromptu pick up game of Sort-A-Cow, which the cows are rooting for). So far Refet workers are - at least in this Ulpan - undefeated…we hope to keep that score going (at least until I leave…after that, they’re on their own).

I love my job. My roommates, however, do not always feel quite as I do…especially when I just come home from work. I do however - generously - leave my Refet Clothes outside in a bag with the understanding that should someone steal them they’re not allowed to return them. Also - perhaps shockingly - when I drop my laundry off in the communal laundry bin (there’s a tag on it that indicates that my clothing is to be returned to my box in the Ulpan office) my laundry gets returned to me first. The running theory is that the laundry people like me…it could also be that they just like not smelling the Refet more…but I’m pretty sure it’s because they like me.

After I found out that sometimes we have to trim the cow hooves, I asked if it would be okay to perhaps give them a coat of polish (I was thinking something bright with sparkles) but was nicely told that perhaps that wouldn’t be the best idea.

The Ayalon Institute & Jaffa

Part of the Ulpan program is going on tours. For those of us who are Olim (new immigrants) it gives us a chance to explore areas of the country with a tour guide more in depth than perhaps some of us have done on our own. For those who will be returning to their own country, the goal is to make them experts on Israel…because they’ve been here, they will be able to advocate on our behalf in their communities. Among our tours, we will be going to Jerusalem, spending two days in the Negev, touring the Green Line and the security barrier, and many others that are still in the planning phases.

Last week we were blessed with going to the Ayalon Institute. The Ayalon Institute was setup to fool the British into thinking it was a Kibbutz, when in reality, beneath the ground underneath the laundry room and the bakery a group of young Israelis were making the ammunition that won the War of Independence for Israel.

Were they to be caught, they would have been shot immediately. What they were doing required secrecy, total disregard for having an ego, and bravery the likes of which I don’t think my generation has ever been asked to display. These brave young Israelis would later come together to form Kibbutz Maagan Michael…the Kibbutz that I presently (and proudly) call my home for the next few months.

The Ulpanists are incredibly excited to get to meet the founding members, to talk to not only heroes but people who - through their acts of bravery - forever changed history.

After the tour, and a group discussion we made our way with the tour guide the Kibbutz hired for us to Jaffa, which is south of Tel Aviv. Jaffa now comprised mainly of artisans has seen countless rulers - from the Egyptians to Napoleon - and because of this the history is incredibly rich…and so are the folk tales…and they’re all worth hearing. However, if you have the chance and some spare time ask a local who’s in the know about the Dance of the Seven Scarves because somewhere between fact and fiction, fantasy and reality, is an incredible truth…but if you want to hear the story, you’ll have to come visit…because it isn’t my story to tell.

Shabbat in Tel Aviv

While the Kibbutz is beautiful, being secular (and perhaps militantly so) it has a hard time meeting my spiritual and religious needs. Lighting candles, singing a song or two, and making a blessing aren’t enough to satisfy my cravings. However one doesn’t go into someone’s living room as a guest and ask them to change things around just for you (my Mother taught me better than that).

Finding a way to resolve my problem, two Shabbats ago I made my way down to Tel Aviv to my friend Itai’s apartment for a weekend filled with prayer and Torah discussion and as the Shabbat candles were lit, and the cell phones were turned off and I disconnected with the outside world, I could feel my heart connecting with the Jewish world through prayer and song and meditation and celebrating in not only the rich history, but the rich tradition of my, of our people. I anxiously look forward to the day when I can have a synagogue to go to regularly again…that, sadly, will have to wait until I’m at a different point in my life.

Shabbat will come each and every week, it is up to us whether or not we choose to observe it…but as Jews throughout history have been persecuted relentlessly, still today in many parts of the world we get constant flack for being Jewish…and for it, we should at least reap the fruits of our hardships and rejoice each weekend…it’s not something we have to do…it’s something we get to do, and that freedom is an amazing thing.

A Smooth Operator

Recently I’ve been reading the Song of Songs written by King Solomon; it is perhaps one of the smoothest, most erotic documents ever written (though it’s debated as to whether or not he was writing for Women or for God…though I contend it was for both) and it is incredibly easy to see how he could have 700 wives and 300 concubines and know exactly what to say to them at all times.

He was a smooth operator and with material like this, no hebrew school student should ever be bored and quite frankly, they should be taking notes. With lines like his delivered properly one will never find themselves alone on a weekend.

…I’ll let you know how well they work out for me.

Shabbat in Jerusalem

This past week went by rather quickly, and after a sleepless night (with most people having Friday off and the bar open on Thursday nights it makes for an interesting arrangement for those of us who have to be at work at 4am the next day) and a four hour work shift that ended at 8am, I made my way back to my room and washed and showered and changed and called a Taxi to pick me up in front of the Ulpan office.

The driver was eager to engage me in conversation and so we chatted in Hebrew for a bit and when he found out I was from New York he was thrilled and put in a CD he had burned with one song (Around the World by ATC) and another ten or so tracks of Ace of Base, happy to share his American music with someone who would understand the lyrics.

I reassured him, when he asked, that Ace of Base was certainly popular (omitting the time period in which is was popular). We wished each other a Shabbat Shalom and I made my way to the train platform where I met another woman who had made Aliyah 40 years ago and we spoke for some time until another Ulpanist from Uruguay showed up and together we made our way together to Tel Aviv, sitting next to each other on the train, practicing Hebrew together, and enjoying each other’s company.

Parting ways at the central bus station I opted to take a Sherout (a mini-bus that is sort of like a taxi) to Jerusalem. I find the smaller vehicles more comfortable (since they’re less jam packed than the bus) and for three shekels more ($00.75US) it’s worth it. They also let me off in a more convenient area in Jerusalem than the busses do (Ben Yehuda Street, instead of the Central Bus Station).

Dropping off my bags at my friend Shirah’s apartment, I touched base with my Rabbi and agreed to meet him at Jaffa Gate, one of the entrances of the Old City. This gave me about 45 minutes to catch up with Shirah and her boyfriend before I made my way down to where he and the group from my Synagogue back in New York would be.

One of my happiest moments of these past two months that I’ve been in Israel were seeing the bright blue and white T-Shirts that said “Temple Or-Elohim” on them, and seeing the familiar faces that went with them. This is not to say that I’m unhappy, this is not to say I’m sad…I’m elated, daily, to be in Israel…but there is something so wonderful and beautiful in familiar smiles and faces of friends who have become family. Taking into consideration that I’ve been with Temple Or-Elohim for sixteen years, it is quite fair to say that I grew up there.

I was also happy to see some members of the Choir that my parents sing in at the synagogue. My brothers and I were Choir Kids, we knew the other Choir Kids, and the choir knows all of us…depending on the day either we were baby-sitting the choir, or the choir was baby-sitting us…you’d have to ask the Cantor for a definitive ruling as to who was better behaved on a case by case, Shabbat by Shabbat, service by service basis.

I was so thankful to be invited to not only join them as they went shopping at the shook, but then again later that night to attend Shabbat Services with them, and then to a dinner where we heard an amazing speaker from Hebrew Union College (a political scientist) address the differences between Israel’s form of Democracy and the United States’ version of Democracy and then the next night to also be able to once again share a table with my Rabbi, my Rabbis Wife, and congregants just filled my heart.

What overtook me with emotion though was the tears of a 95 year old gentleman as we discussed what he was able to see in his life: Fred Astaire dance! World War II - he was a child during World War I, the fall of the USSR, a world where Israel as an independent state didn’t exist…and then a world where Israel as an independent state did!

When he told me that he never thought he’d make it back to Israel again and he began to cry…there were no more words that had to be spoken between us because I had those same feelings every day as I waited to return to Israel after I left this past summer and returned back to the United States and I cried those same tears when I landed and was welcomed back this past December 27th.

I am overjoyed to hear congregants from my synagogue say that they’re coming back! Some already planning their next trip, others chomping at the bit to tell their neighbors to come…that they were scared too before they arrived…but you have to go!! Newly minted Ambassadors for Israel, young and old, children and adults alike, who now have a wonderful connection with a place that they too - no matter where they are in the world - can call home.

I look forward to when my parents and brothers will be able to visit me, and I’ll be able to give them my version of Israel, a land where every step has history, and to next year when I’ll be able to see my Rabbi and his wife, during my Rabbi’s sabbatical in Jerusalem…of course then I’ll have a much different wardrobe comprised of a beret, a shade of green, and combat boots.

Right now I am in Tel Aviv, at my friend Itai’s apartment, about to head back to the Kibbutz where I’ll catch up on the rest of my email, some reading, finish my homework, shower, and get ready for another week of classes and cows. This Thursday night the Kibbutz - generously - is paying for us to not only get to Jerusalem, but to see Idan Raichel in concert.

Love to Everyone,

M

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February 23, 2008

Long Island Barbies

Filed under: True Life, We Laugh Because It's True — Matan Ar'ye Schwartz @ 10:44 pm

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Long Island market:

Baldwin Barbie - This barbie comes with 4 different kinds of STDS and her own Planned Parenthood punch card. Her special features are smoking weed and sniffing cocaine. She comes complete with dyed black hair, lip ring, and is dumb as dog shit. Also avaliabe with Ken boyfriend as well as 5 avaliable unnamed male companions… Unless it’s Baldwin Harbor Barbie- then refer to Merrick Barbie.

Central Islip Barbie- This Modern Day Retro-Barbie comes with Two Gold Teeth, Acid Washed Jeans, White Reeboks, Feathered Hair and a Double Ring Belt (Yes it is 2005.) She also comes with Ken, her brother/boyfriend, complete with house arrest bracelet and Dodge Neon. Parole Officer Sold Separately.

Hempstead Barbie - This Barbie comes with Hoop Earrings, Hair Weave, Food Stamps, a bus pass, a search warrant, and a court date. She also comes with three babies and three different Ken’s (Baby’s Daddies). Each Ken comes with his own bag of weed. (Sold separately and on a Street Corner)

New Cassel Barbie- (Not Available)
Who are you kidding? No one wants anything from New Cassel.

Brentwood Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and four baby Barbies in the backseat (no car seats). The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket, lunch pail, and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for Brentwood Barbie or Ken.

Garden City Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Saks Fifth Avenue. She comes with an assortment of Coach handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a 3500-square foot house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Ass (rear end) not available. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.

Franklin Square Barbie- This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Uniondale Barbie - This recently paroled former “Porn Actress” Barbie comes with a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Great Neck Barbie - This stuck-up yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Hicksville Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Roslyn Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie comes with take-out menus, lunch dates, and vacation homes. She wears only the most expensive clothes that either her daddy or hen-pecked hubby Ken pay for. She rarely has a job, yet is never home to take care of her own kids. Comes with Lawyer Ken. Optional housekeeper/nanny sold separately. But you better get one for her or she’ll never shut up.

Levittown Barbie - This brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of
her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Hicksville Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Huntington Barbie - This doll actually smells like tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow.” She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Huntington Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

New Hyde Park Barbie - This Italian Princess Barbie comes with teased black hair, 12 gold chains, 7 gold bracelets, 8 rings and 1 ankle bracelet. Included are a permanently attached cell phone and a black Monte Carlo with ILUVTONY license plates. The accompanying Ken doll has been replaced with a black haired Tony doll with hairy chest and gel/hairdryer kit.

Merrick Barbie - this is the knock-off wearing, fake-nail-sporting, paying-for-her-Lexus-lease-by-the-skin-of-her-teeth, “low-rent” version of Roslyn Barbie. She aspires to be Great Neck Barbie. Due to incessant Merrick Barbie nagging, Ken is happily anatomically correct

Plainview-Old Bethpage Barbie - This barbie comes stocked with 14 different credit cards, a permanent parking spot at Shoprite, and a gift certificate for driving lessons that she’ll never use (also comes equipped with either a Mini-van, an Escalade, a Hummer, or SUV, depending on whether you’re in the college streets, or Old Bethpage). her husband, who you can get as a lawyer or a doctor, keeps her happy by letting her buy every pair of Uggz, and every Louis Vitton and Gucci bag to her heart’s desire. he even let’s her dress their babies in mini-uggz and Coach onesies. they’re at La Piazza and the Plainview Diner so much, that they actually PAY La Piazza to deliver to them! (fyi: La Piazza doesn’t deliver). Skipper goes to JFK where she is the biggest JAP in all of Long Island, but yet, pretends to be “punk” because someone told her it was fashionable. She gets a parking spot every quarter…. even as a junior. btw…. she got a BMW for her Bat Mitzvah, and she will show up to prom in a coach bus with all 600 of her “friends” and then go to Seaside Heights. she will end up at Nassau Community College.

Seaford Barbie - This white bread plain as shit barbie comes complete with japped up outfit conveniently paid for by her unseen parents, why you would want to own this version is beyond me, who really gives a shit about seaford?

Valley Stream Barbie- This barbie comes in several different gang colors. She’s got long curly greasy gorgeous hair. She’s got a belly ring, and her belly is popping out of her sweatpants for everyone to enjoy. Come’s with a metal pipe, screens, and an adorable little 40 0z. Valley Stream barbie can kick some ass, make-up bag and barbie stitch kit also included. This barbie loves the dollar store, or throwing up in the park. Barbie bus pass, nextel, and birth control sold seperately. Valley Stream Ken available on parole only.

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February 19, 2008

Woohoo!!!

Filed under: True Life — Matan Ar'ye Schwartz @ 7:37 pm

I’m going to see Idan Reichal in Jerusalem on the 28th!!!

Anyways, the next few days look like this:

Wendesday (20th)
Work: 0400-0800; Class: 1300-1600

Thursday (21st)
Class: 1300-1600; Work: 1830-2230

Friday (22nd)
Work: 0400-0800
Leave for Jerusalem: 0900

Saturday (23rd)
In Jerusalem

Sunday (24th)
Morning: Shopping at Ben Yehuda Street, Getting Tax Refund (please god…), Afternoon in Tel Aviv with Itai, then back to the Kibbutz at night.

…now however, its time for sleep. The Travelogue gets its final edit tomorrow though!

Night all.

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February 14, 2008

Almost time to go play with the cows

Filed under: General, True Life — Matan Ar'ye Schwartz @ 5:40 pm

I was moved to the night shift tonight instead of the morning shift I was scheduled for (the morning shift runs from 0400-0800), so from 1830 to 2230 I’ll be working with the cows. After that I’ll be calling my parents and then studying. Tomorrow is (blessedly) Shabbat (which means a half day here at the Kibbutz), I’m excited to be spending it with Itai in Tel Aviv.

The other day after class I took my yoga mat and myself down to the beach and meditated for half an hour and then began to stretch when out of no where the sky got black, and a storm front moved in which began my ascent back to my room (after a brief stop at the store on the Kibbutz for some dinner supplies — perhaps one of my best investments was an electric cooking element and two pots, one big, and one medium, a self contained strainer so you can pour into it without being near a sink, and some cutlery).

This Sunday we’ll be going on a trip with the Kibbutz, which means that Monday is an 8 hour work day (while the other half who worked 8 hours for us on Sunday goes on their trip). I’ve put in (and received approval) to take a day off on the 24th - a Sunday - so I’ll be in Jerusalem on the 22 and 23rd to visit my Rabbi who is leading a trip with members from my synagogue back home, and the morning of the 24th I’ll be heading to Tel Aviv to spend the day with Itai. I’ll head back to Maagan Michael near Haifa later that night.

As luck would have it, on the 28th we’re being treated, in Jerusalem, to an Idan Raichel concert courtesy of the Kibbutz. These trips are one of the major reasons I didn’t travel around too much during my initial month here, free trips are better than ones that I have to pay for…especially since that money can then be put to use later on - either on other trips, trips back to places I’ve enjoyed or academic programs (the latter being the most likely source of where I’ll be spending my money).

Anyways, time to get ready for work…well, in a few…I can bike there in a little under five or so minutes and its 1739 now and my shift doesn’t start until 1830…I’ll leave at 1800~ish.

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!

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February 12, 2008

Oh man…

Filed under: True Life — Matan Ar'ye Schwartz @ 11:49 pm

Sweet mother of Moses, 90% of my class has collective ADD…I’m going to motion the secretariat of the Kibbutz to put Ritalin in the drinking water, the breakfast juice and the alcohol.

In other news, I got to feed baby cows today!!! They’re adorable! And fuzzy!! And the size of my Standard Poodle!!! If they didn’t grow up…I’d want to keep one as a pet (and…well, I would keep one as a pet)…and they have no teeth!!! And they drink from bottles…and did I mention how adorable they are!? And one let out a little “mooo” today…and I was like “OMG I HEARD ITS FIRST WORDS!!!!!”
The older cows today, however (and while I still love them) were plotting a revolution which we had to quash (evil Zionist oppressors that we are)…no for real, they weren’t having any of it and were sort of like “hey…you…yeah you…fuck off…I weigh about 100 times more than you…yeah, that’s right…there…I said it…”…but I still love them, and I love the baby cows more (and I got permission to visit the baby cows whenever I want…which means I may start reading them bed time stories).

And with that, time for bed. G’night all.

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February 11, 2008

Watching over Solomon’s Shoulder

Filed under: Judaism, Kethuvim, Proverbs, Spirituality, Tanakh, True Life, Updates — Matan Ar'ye Schwartz @ 10:01 pm

And by actions rather than words (or perhaps even through words) regular blogging begins…at this point it seems rather pointless to discuss Kibbutz life, mostly because its taking me days to find the right words to describe it: its a foreign environment where reality does not exist…this is not to belay the seriousness or the hard work that occurs on a Kibbutz, but until I can find the words (and take the photos) that will accurately describe what it is that I’m doing (and more importantly, the place in which I am doing it) I’d rather not write anything…than have something totally backwards forever imprinted in someone’s mind.

I will say that work (I work with about 200 cows…I’ll get the exact figures sometime this week) is wonderful, and the most relaxing and destressing part of my day…I look forward to it, I get cow kisses and cow licks (no…for real, though I can see the ‘harharhar’ potential)…and yes, sometimes cow pies…but its great. Totally sweet, and mellow creatures.

I never realized what a gift the Tanakh was when I received mine at my Bar Mitzvah until I asked my parents for a travel one to bring with me wherever I go (I’ve always found the book of Psalms comforting - for many reasons that I’ll discuss in the coming weeks, since its been a topic of late night discussions here, given my Tattoo). Regardless of your faith, and in reality whether or not you believe in God or not (or Gods or no God or two Gods or three Gods or sheep or toads or what have you) its a fascinating book, that contains some things that are good, some that are bad, some that are exciting, others that are boring, some that are awful, and others that are totally awesome…bringing with it not just good news from the past, but the mistakes as well…and tucked inside the pages (in Kethuvim) is the book of Proverbs, coined by Solomon.

I’ve been going through them at night, or during the day and whenever I read I get these great mental representations in my head within the first few minutes I’m in the room and the text fades away and I see things playing out (as I think they would, based on the text) in my head…and recently I’ve been finding myself standing over Solomon’s shoulder, in my head hes quite impressive…tall, with white hair, and a beard (not a Wizards beard…but a regal one), his windows so vivid look down on a scape below, and I hear him conversing out loud with himself all the things he thought we should know, whether I agree with them or not…and quite frankly, its like having coffee with an old friend.

My Tanakh is quite literally my own, I have slips of paper in it, a family portrait, a prayer card given to me by a Rabbi when I kept forgetting the prayer for wrapping my Tefillin…though at some point, I’m afraid, I may have to get hard cover travel one…since the soft cover one is getting slightly beaten up…and this is one of those books that really should be treated with a level of respect.

Speaking of Coffee, I sent Itai a text message earlier this morning asking him if it would be okay to come for Shabbat (essentially breaking all of the social grace rules my mother taught me on inviting myself over somewhere) and he (thankfully) said yes…which means that I’m looking forward to a stress free, unplugged Shabbat in Tel Aviv.

It normally takes me a few days to write a travelogue, though the next one that I’m sending out has been taking slightly longer due to a bizzarre work schedule this week. I have to ask my boss if it’s okay to come and play with the baby cows on my own time…they’re adorable (one tried to moo today and I think I was there, essentially, for his first words!) and the size of puppies (sadly, they don’t stay that size or I’d take one home with me as a pet)…but a travelogue will be coming soon.

My Rabbi will be landing in Israel shortly which is cool, I’ll be meeting up with him the Shabbat after next in Jerusalem (which is good, since I have gifts that need to be picked up and mailed, post cards to send out - YES JERUEN! I actually have a few that need to get sent out to you! I went to the Bahai Temple in Haifa!, I have to get a back pack too - required to go on trips with the Ulpan, as is a water bottle…which I already have two of, thankfully…it’s my goal, unlike in Buffalo, to never see the inside of an emergency room…which also means I need to pick up a Helmet when I’m in Jerusalem - they give you a bike when you work with the cows - I’ll make a shopping list later).

Anyways, it is time to brush my teeth, fill up my water bottle, and get cozy with Solomon. Good night all!

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February 4, 2008

Woohoo…

Filed under: True Life — Matan Ar'ye Schwartz @ 11:22 pm

Regular blogging will once again commence (tomorrow…ha! Yes, a teaser post…sorry, I’ve been getting up early and it’s nearing midnight here)…but I’m finally all settled into the Kibbutz and this is the week we work out our schedules…and everything will be explained in my magical post of spiffyness…tomorrow…right now…time to pass out.

*muah*

~ me

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